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Upper School Parent Webinar: Coming Out Of Your Comfort Zone Socially

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Marla Mathis discusses how to help your child come out of their comfort zone in social situations.

Show Transcript

so my name is Marlon Mathis I'm one of the counselors here we have our counseling department on with us to some names you might recognize built over in turns on with us to observe this meeting but we wanted to today to be was a time for some of our upper school student parents to come in and have kind of like a little bit of a lunch session together hopefully you all brought your your lunch but a loan session together where we are able to share some stuff for you about our students coming out of their comfort zone socially while also giving all of you at you either ask questions or share some feedback and so that way you feel supported by either us as the counseling department or even by some other parents and hopefully it gives you some validation on things that you have going on your student and that's your thing maybe you can connect with each other in a in a different way so that's that's our objective of this meeting is for you to feel validated and to get some some information on how to help your student come out comfort zone socially I just want to start with a couple notes that myself and the other counselors we talked about we kind of shared with each other things that we want to get out there things that we have going on at this school that can help you plan for your student to be a get more social and then I'm going to really open it up to all of you to ask questions and share with each other so one of the things I wanted to start with as even just comfort zone and a lot of the time it's hard as adults too be okay with our kids being uncomfortable but it is okay for them to feel uncomfortable it's probably a really good thing for them to feel uncomfortable and the more exposure that we all must provide them or require them to her have the fuel to come out of their comfort zone socially the more there they might be open to trying some of the things in the future a lot of the times when I need when I talked with parents and they're saying what they don't want it this activity or they don't want to try that it's really important to try and work with them on what kind of what activity they want to try out if it's something new what do they like and prepare to really talk to your your child about it multiple times because it might just take it might take one conversation for them to just process it and then then you might have to have multiple conversations moving forward about how do you prepare how do you prepare them for the activity that they might want to join whether it's exposing to them to it before if it's like a new sport of our spring sports for example like they have tennis coming up and go may be exposing them to that on your own time and then that way when it comes time for them to join it with their peer group here at school they might be a little bit more comfortable doing that the other thing would be to his like helping them set some realistic goals about what they're trying to like the different social activities that they're trying we have activities on campus during the school day but then we also have some outside of the school day one of the things the counseling department we talked a lot about was the social peace that we have with fun fridays and one of the examples I have is like planning a realistic goal of trying if there's 10 on Fridays in a full school year having them fry three of them but that conversation ahead of time and mapping the mount letting them see what the events are and which ones do you want to try let them be a part of the process can be helpful to we have some other info Haitian about like the anxiety piece for students to what I'd like to do is hear from all of you what are the things that you're seeing with your students what are the struggles you're having with your students socially and then hopefully we can answer those questions and maybe other parents can too so I'm going to open it up to all of you you tell us what you would like to hear and then you share if you could just share your name and also like your students name and grade whatever you're comfortable doing some parents have different last names I'm trying to connect to Terrance art to who and what grades I have here I know but when I don't know or you can just make yourself and start lady Kelly hi I am Katie Kelly and this is my first day at the hilltop parent my son David started 9th grade today and it so it was a real gift to be this invite because I will say will be one of the biggest things I'm hoping for him at unity and so I would do stay with that contact I don't have a lot of experience but I can say was for my son and he talked about like his friends are allowed to do best restaurants.in Old Frankfort what I see is because it's exhausting for him it's hard for me to understand he he doesn't necessarily reach out or make plans to write often and to once in a while he does but doesn't really seem to know how to build and Foster relationship and understand the work that have to go in tonight Marla to get you something start with that that would be my my question for guidance but if that's out of the context of what you're hoping to talk about that's okay the question is, so you're saying he doesn't know how to continue Foster those relationships but he also finds it sounds like exhausting with is not uncommon for a lot of our students I tend to hear that a lot from our students where they don't know how to start the car station they don't know how to keep up with the conversation I think that comes with some practice and it is hard with the grades that your students all are they're all older students so it was like social skills breakfast and things that they don't want to see that that's juvenile one of the things we talked about was like even modeling that are upper school counselor Michael Clarke you had talked about like modeling going out and things like that and I think I could go into even modeling conversation Michael do you have any feedback on that or any. Is our children whether they realize it or not do a lot of modeling of the parents and pear you know we always have to be mindful of we are remodeling our students are children to see that and so it would help with slowly starting with exposure so I don't know how did you guys go out but if you get wherever you may go if on a Saturday you go somewhere where there would be like minded or are are students his age or children his age and not necessarily jump braids into okay go have a conversation with this person but slowly acclimating to be around other children and so that when the time comes to be here at school that much at my kind of foster something during I'm here right or something to work on here at school again I would literally just met I am sorry I don't know your child but if example if I knew your child and the base always Sat by themselves I would say okay we start over two week. Time one of these days is first two weeks take one of those days and shoes are going to sit at a separate table with some kind of build from there and build axles I'm getting used to being with someone the first time you even have to have that conversation is that could be too overwhelming but just slowly baby stepping into like sitting with someone being around someone so so exposing that child up to people and then work on slowly having a conversation from there does that make sense it does thank you thank you what you're saying and it might even be helpful for other Aaron Sears a lot of times I also noticed our upper school students different make sometimes surprisingly actually and then sometimes they do have it but they don't always have like phone numbers or contact information of students outside of school and so it's even talking then about how to have that conversation but in a natural way because it has to come naturally otherwise they feel they'll use the word cringe and so having them have that conversation in a natural way and maybe even practicing at home without it being how are you going to ask for this phone number or I like to also a lot with like some new students I like to really push them to try and build some connections in in the class demick Lake and then find that person that they feel connected with outside of class because the class is a structured environment and so it might be easier to build a connection with someone first is an unstructured environment like lunch or an extracurricular activity that's for the I guess that's the main points of what I'm saying is not always assuming that our kids are capable of getting a contact information of appear because it's I think they want that information but they don't know how to go about it so I always find that I threw my myself to not assume that they just know to do it because I can casually do it myself thank you answer a little bit more too as we go the video work I apologize for the I'm David krupnick I'm father of Danielle in one of my biggest concerns with Danielle and she's making is just whether it's work or extracurriculars are even something remotely physical away from a screen that's one of my biggest concerns are you familiar with any of our after-school activities like what we have to offer because it'd be great for Danielle to be doing some great leadership opportunities for her one of the things I would I would have you had Daniel part of the process ask her like what activities would you like to join and kind of kind of setting a goal like in the spring you have to join at least one after school activity or try one after-school activity has that in a car I have it she doesn't have interest but it's either that or even a part-time job but she seems open to but just getting that motivation no I agree it's a great opportunity not incredibly athletic like Danielle is not something like Ultimate Frisbee or whatever not to put that down but it's something that I think she could pick up a whole lot of skill level yeah he's in or Outdoors Club could be for her because it could I think it's a purselley you run that correct with her so peace to that any thought I say going off of Daniel's dad said Outdoors club and Ultimate Frisbee are really good options if you feel are like your students feel like they're not the most athletic or coordinated Afters literally go to different places and quote on quote hike but it's not it sounds more difficult than it than it is kind of walk around outside and talk and hang out you know on different Trail living in the woods and things and it's really a great opportunity for them for the kids to kind of do something maybe outside their comfort zone but not as difficult as maybe you know tennis racket V mini purse I cannot play tennis at all so I can't blame some of the students are not wanting to give it a try but yeah that there's things like that that I think we can you know you can try to push for that's not as daunting as something yes more of a nature walk exactly you know then golf or tennis or other kind of Athletics to get something that she can do perseverates in hyper-focus is that could be really great so I think that what time is it yeah and I wouldn't hesitate on like providing an incentive for for her for any of your your students like The it like setting up a goal like let's let's set the goal to try something new and if you you know you sign up and try it there's an Ascent incentive there and then if you push through and continue with it for the remainder of the year there's an incentive their you know even just a positive reinforcement can be a reward to it into freezing them for pushing through and persevering through something that they are not used to doing but the conversation could start with this you know it's really important for you to be in an extracurricular activity you can build some leadership qualities here's the list of which one do you want to do and give the choice of which one and not the choice of do you want to do it or not do it is as soon as they have the choice to not do it it's going to be a stay-at-home instead of my phone and play video games vs. are the choices which one do you want to choose or with some of the younger students I might say do you want to choose one or do you want to do to the older ones get you on that though they see right through that. Thank you very much just to piggyback on that is good to give your child give our students options so that they feel like they have a choice but as a parent letting them know indirectly this is what we're doing is as soon as you say want to then they're going to they're going to go back to their Conformity of the safespace of being from the screen or or being or doing something else so that's it's really important as a kind of statistic with that of the sea happy but you can choose between what is exactly happening thank you you have the screen is a formidable foe yes this is delorentos making sure all of the things are on we have always pushed been kid to do things against his will and I want to stay in years ago he had to fill out a survey in a loved one of those getting-to-know-you things and one of the questions was if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and Ben's answer was home cuz he really has no interest in going anywhere but but we may can go places we make him get on airplanes even though he doesn't like it can you make him go watch his sister before we make him do things but that was pretty covid-19 so we now have had two plus years of not making him going anywhere don't go anywhere because you know it was funny as  that rat and now we're trying to start that process again and it's very challenging he's older now he pushes back harder he has much more stronger opinions about not doing these things but we're still making him do those things even trying to get him to do fun fridays he's done one and if you did begrudgingly admit that it was fun when he went to the to the riverbank I know I think I know that we're doing the right things and we're taking the right steps it just seems like it's such a slow process because we made such great progress before the pandemic and now we have to start to start it the first level again that makes sense it does end you're like you said you're starting at the first level but at a older Ben and I imagine that is really difficult and we always think about the way you just explain. the mule or was I saying I was saying that the way you explained it actually made even more clear to me as someone that is not a parent of a high school student because I I did we saw from our students are the pandemic affecting them in some ways were some students dislike the way the fact that they were quarantined and couldn't be brother students really embraced being home and loved it and it took it kind of it really undid everything you did as parents to get them out of the house and get them out of their comfort zone when they were free team and now they're full into 16 and maybe some seventeen-year-old ages and it's probably I imagine it is really difficult I think the one thing to say to is just as like support to you is the reminder that you are doing the correct thing to push out of the comfort zone and that what you're doing is right and that you are for every step every step three steps back you're going to take one step forward and it's just going to take time and it probably is is it taking more time than it did before I saw a lot of parent head nod when you was talking about that but I'd love to hear you know everybody's had was not a I'd love to open it up to any parents who want to share some feedback may be a success story with that or just validating misses DiLaurentis cuz that's what this is where he referred to as support for each other to get through the social lives of our students we're actually putting been on a plane in April and we've been talking to him about that like at nothing is going to be the first time he hates flying in general like he's absolutely under normal circumstances so this will be the first time he's flying since like 3 years and 3 years no it's it's there's been a lot of prep work in that space to get there again is the prep work including to like how to like it is the prep work just this is what we're doing get your mind in the mindset or you adding anything of what is he talking about what he can do to ease some of the anxiety about that he's not talking about anything in that respect it's mostly on our end we do things like TSA cares we're actually talking about getting him TSA PreCheck which also will help anxiety of going through security and and things like that but she is it's just I guess mostly on our end it's the heads-up that this is going to happen and you need to process we're going to do it right right no matter what we're doing it I wonder if it would be helpful for him to start talking about how he can that he can't he can't control that he's anxious about it but he can't control how he copes with it I wonder if it would be good for him to talk about what he can do in the moments that he is feeling anxious it keeps people to do that you think all of the way that we can help him over the years he tends to get airsick but there's a nice long story about him doing that at one point but he tends to get airsick so he knows how to take care of that he knows how to handle that he uses his he's just headphones to reduce the noise and like all of the different steps that he takes to reduce the discomfort of flying weave have we have all those things in place so I'm not really sure if there are additional steps any thoughts from any other parents I'd mention I saw a lot of head nods I'd love to hear I'd love for you to get had the opportunity to kind of validate each other or two Christine I can tell you I think it sounds like the planet David has some differences in their challenges but I I I can tell you that I hear we are coming from right even though it was easier to incentivize Dave to go out me now when we go for dinner he stays home and if we do we want to go see something in the theater and really suggest that it's going to be so hard and uncomfortable for him like you're saying these people are growing quickly and the idea of having during what you been nice thing for us for those around us I don't want it interrupted with having to navigate a large more than me person and so I'm finding myself saying just like I guess I feel you I think the pandemic has made this harder because they they have created and it's a little bit hard I think you as a parent sometimes you know where that line is where to push and where to where did disrespect what their what's good for so I'm working I'm working through that as well he he is signed up for the outdoor club and golf and I believe Ryan Lochte or 90% of all else. I didn't even walk with me but I hit I hear where you're coming from I don't know if that helps at all but but we are spending a lot of time Marla yes hi I'm Janine Robin sorry it says doesn't have my name on the screen I've never use Google meet I always use new our daughter Ali is a junior and I can relate to both Christine and Katie what you're saying in terms of you know just balancing the family with going out with particular other siblings only has two older brothers that are significantly older than her in their early twenties and especially at the hot and they're not living at home anymore but when we are all together especially at the holidays you know it's that balance between wanting to spend time as a family versus having Debbie Downer staring you down at the dinner table when everybody else is laughing and having fun and a nephew said she'd rather be home sitting on the couch and not even worried about what she's going to have for dinner so it's really challenging because you know you want you don't you want it enjoy the little time that you have with your other kids at this stage of the game and yet you you want her to be part of the Emily and sue you know pull it all together and then try to be a part of that but it's a struggle and it is easier to just you know I'm not big a case let's just say oh fine stay home I'm going to have pizza with you know we're going mom and dad are going to go out and have pizza with our friends or whatever but it but it's it's definitely a balance that's a good point you made Janine about it being a balance at the end the other thing when both of you were talking you and Katie the one thing that I know myself and the other councillors we typically remind our teachers about is validating then pushing or requiring and I used that probably with some of your students better those of you were on here is like validating that you understand or your hearing that this is you know being is social situation are coming out to dinner is a very stressful time for you or I'm hearing that it's not comfortable for you however this is what we're doing and this is and you are you're going to come out to dinner and we'll get through it together like also reminding them like we will work through it together so if at any point while we're out to dinner getting pizza if you feel uncomfortable you know let's make up a sink a signal that you say you know you're going to get up and just step outside for a minute or something but valid bring them them pushing and I'm requiring and I used that with our students I think the we're going to do this together is helpful sometimes our students struggle with anxiety here at school because of past experiences Clark had had like a note about even just like traumatic events that have happened in the past and he's so if they hear that they're not doing something on their own that might be helpful like we're going to work on this together then now they're not alone going through having we experienced something that has caused them anxiety or real high anxiety in the past or something like that I will add that one of the things that we do with Ben is we we show him how reminding so when we go in April we're we're traveling to Ohio to watch his sister for form over three days so there's three days of competition and we're saying okay we go you're going to be responsible for going to one whole day but the other two days you don't have to sit there and watch it where we would arrange for something else for you to do it so there's compromise there and he can see how we're trying to accommodate him but also make him part of the process and doing what he has to do that's a really good way to role model flexibility and then the hope is that he'll be more flexible or your student I'll be more flexible in the future I really like that that piece I miss s i a am I pronouncing that name right if I say I hi I'm Laura I said our son Ben it just started last month and he's in ninth grade so I just wanted to you know validate what everyone has been saying because I'm just sitting here like oh my God this sounds so familiar and really happy to have found Hilltop and you know it sounds like our kids have a lot in common as parents would probably have a lot of the same store it's nice just to be able to meet everyone in and kind of hear from everyone has one of those kids that just doesn't talk like is very hard to get him engage in to say anything I hear you know it's a lot of I don't knows I don't care you know that kind of thing and it's very frustrating so I don't know if you know said that she'll but you know it's just a struggle to get them to talk and so I can just imagine him at lunch she probably will sit with other people but I'm sure he probably doesn't say two words to anyone that needs it I was giving I thought Mr facility was going to say I see what you're saying but I think he's the more he's a pretty active especially for a kid that just started last month he's been pretty active in terms of like joining after school stuff and you know that's a really good song put himself out there even if he isn't saying a ton you know he's at least getting that experience in being around the other students and things that's how he's going to build some relationships and get to a point where he is comfortable with maybe talking a little bit more and putting himself out there more like that's you know he's doing everything that he could be doing at this point and I'm seeing him really start doing it's only been a month like you said he's starting to come out of his shell more so than when he started you know he's getting comfortable in it in the 9th grade class that there are small tight-knit group and I have been seeing that with like a lot that I can speak specifically for the ninth graders you know it's not one of our bigger classes and the classes are split so you know five or six in a room and they say they're in the same classes all day long with each other so that they really are getting is a comfortable in this there and you know well yes most of the time it's in an academic setting but then we I see that in perspective they get to open up a little bit more in a different way so yeah I think I'm doing well for me I just being here for a month I understand your concerns and and things like that but I think he's moving in the right direction for sure question then is there a limit to how many of these after school activities you can participate in which I think it's like tennis and Outdoors Club around the same day as you probably can do both of those Butler There's No Limit whatsoever like if there's one on only on Wednesday then like Fitness club is is one that is all year-round and that's on Wednesdays you could do that or anybody could your student can do that and like there's no limitation at all I'm not going I said if it's the same day that we can't be in two places at once but yeah there's no limits at all thank you it sounds like the smaller class sizes in the smaller groups I'm looking I'm just looking at there's a lot of new parents here and hopefully you feel the same way but this size the smaller size can be helpful for our kids who are just want to be really you know just kind of shut down mode when it comes to socializing Marla a question again first day but like four out of five days after school cuz I just think that that's really am I and again he chose the activities that's a great way to meet friends but talking about your point on the kids struggling to sometimes proactively connect and have phone numbers is there a directory that parents can help to facilitate available facilitate the kids getting in contact and meeting up after school I believe there is me actually have a parents Association I'm looking to Wendy Miller Wendy are you listening to us appearances though station that could really help you with that too and then I would also reach out to I'll let Wendy know if Wendy if you have information on be great to hear from you but also to even just will this will be reaching out to your kids counts because we're all here but in the future is like communicating your counselor to because we can help make those connections throughout the school day Wendy do we have a directory through the parents Artesian well I have access to that to the doctor's I'm happy to to get information. But I think that all the parents have access to the information on like through the the bus okay if there's a link on there for directory and you can pull up anybody's name but I'm happy that I'm happy to help you if you need information I can look it up for you thank you I don't not yet I was just thinking Cindy Shoals you had your dinner I was going to say within the hilltop website is actually a directory and it's really nice cuz you can start it by grade or search on last name I think you can even search on first name we've used it multiple times. I have a son who is in 10th Grade and he started Noah thank you that's helpful we sometimes see different things in our portal and the parents do Mister pace miss my son's Alex 9th grader and seems like there's a lot of my parents on the call here Alex I want to hear you speak about your stomach sounds a lot like Alex I mean Alex I got more friends he he is very I think we're locking taxi make calls I think would be even more embarrassed if his parents were setting up setting up on play dates in 9th grade right cuz I mean they're they're they're supposed to Kate it they may not one but they are pretty sophisticated kids and parents to set their kids up maybe something they think that that happens with you do elementary school kids like I guess what I'm going to ask cuz I don't know if there's a role that the school can kind of play I don't want to put more but the responsibility necessarily on the on the faculty and staff but is there is there a way to Leverage he's our teachers and staff relationships with kids and when you see kids getting can you help short of help them putting something together after school or something outside of the school environment because because I think I think Alex is really enjoyed his year there and meet this is his first year he's a new student and I think it's worth you know really well especially from where I came but you know he's not calling other kids he's not trying to set things up with other kids after after school but I do think he he enjoys the friendship he has he so it's you know we're like we're like you have 50% there you know maybe maybe there's a nice that gets him get away that he doesn't want to hear from his parents count our I think he's not he's definitely not alone in that it's like it's at school but then moving it outside of school at our location makes it difficult sometimes for students because they're far from each other which is wife I love our fun Friday events that we have cuz at least once a month they can be in a social setting out off-campus but also it's their transportation to it I think you were also dimensioning get that that nudge to get a phone number but you don't think he'd be receptive to hearing it from a parent and so I would say like reaching out. I know the counselor is here but this is even Just for future things like reaching out to your students counselor. hey I keep hearing this this friend's name but he doesn't have the number and you said call but they're really going to text to Anna and and maybe even like bringing that to Alex like a why don't you get some sodas number so you can text him over again but I feel like there might be some parents in here have you ever gotten over that hump of going from just friends in school to friends outside of school and was there anything that was there like a oh this really helped or this was really successful sign up to open it up to some of you if you've had any success in certain ways so I can share that the vehicle that my my and uses cuz there's apparently a lot of bands going around is the fact that he's on the Esports team and they have a Discord server so all of the kids that are on the Esports team have access to the server and they that on Discord all the time and it's not just when they're actively practicing for Eastport so he just got together with a couple of his teammates on Friday and all of it all taken care of on the Discord server but the mom of the person hosting did email me and said hey you know is it okay for Ben to come over but they had already connected on Discord and they have started that conversation do that that is actually another way to have that communication I want to add at the great point with Discord we have a hill like there's any sports in this corner at the it might be a separate Hilltop Discord we're like so we can definitely encourage students to look at that and check that out because that is like Marla said like most of the communication is going to be through text or group chats cuz that's just how all of our students connect at this point are sometimes that might lead to like face timer and things like that but this court has is something that I hear about constantly good or bad but they do meet like every evening and they fighting with focus on like two different video games like Minecraft in Smash Brothers but if you know a lot of our students are interested in video games that's a great way so you know get them connected with other kids that share the same interest with them a hand up Ivory is it mister Minister of Justice hello hello I was actually I just heard Hunter continually mentions Alex all the time that much Hunter always talks about Alex and what they doing I don't know if we can figure I know I understand what you're saying about doing The Playdate before have you tried to connect with Alex you know out of school like where you guys can do something I can't get his phone number let me know but I mean I'd be more than willing to exchange numbers with you for lack of a better way to do it but trying to connect their numbers or I'll connect the number and give it to Hunter other than that, I'm sorry I meant I'm at I tried to come in. I think I was on my side I have I am at The Echo picture I've read what you said okay I think my echo is gone Mister Pace one of the points that he the name points you made with tricking your son's into hanging out together each other's numbers and tricking them into hanging out together which isn't a bad thing it's got to start somewhere our kids they might just be having a hard time but it sounds like both Alex and there are getting on and be who I am and I don't know why you're Alex doesn't do the same thing like why Alex doesn't reach out so we got to I will see I'll find you the directory and I'll I'll shoot you a text and we can exchange the kids numbers there I think it's the only name that I have ever heard Alex speak Alex Alex does not know when you ask him you know okay tell me one person that you might marginally maybe consider or somebody that you might maybe at some point in the future want to be a friend with silence but then every once in a while we will hear ain't no Hunter this under that so I do think that there is a chance but I guess one of them the biggest list for Alex is just even selling him on the idea that making friends and doing things outside of school could be valuable to him I know that she actively avoid meeting with people at least he tells me he actively avoid eating with people at lunch even he does that at home he tries to eat by himself so that's definitely an area where I'd love to see him get pushed a little bit mrs. Miller you have your hand raised and then we actually so what we have time for one more so here mrs. Miller's question and then we will have to wrap up it's not really a question more of it just to add onto to what Christina saying what but a little differently because Jared is not part of the Esports team but he does like to play fortnite and whatever else he plays and he does connect with kids at school for from school and they talk on your headphones while they're playing the game so you know as much as we all probably don't want them to play so many how much screen time on screen so it is probably the only way that he connects with his friends from school because we the New Jersey and we look so far away that he really doesn't see anybody outside of school other than online and going off of that I find that a lot of my students connect with the video game thing perspectives then to when when I can give them some time to socialize and perspective they connect with video games and so if they're not they're not physically behind the screen but they're still having conversations about it where we won't like the screen time I completely understand that it's all it is helping them build the interests and talking about it they're talking about it without their peers if it's free if the video game is is something that they enjoy not all of our students do anything else before I typed it in the chat but anytime if your student is like interested or wondering if I have questions about any of like the activities clubs or anything that Hilltop has to offer and you're not sure who runs it or who to go to like always use the counselors as a resource and we can get you connected or a day Van Dyke who's that student life is a good person to ask I'm about any like after school or any activity really in general because I know there's a lot a lot of information thrown at you and it's like how do I do this so use the counselors for sure if you're not and I'm sure if we would have had contact or connect with that's a good point as we can then put you in the right direction I want to say thank you so much for taking what maybe was your lunch break and joining we were hoping we could provide you all with just some time to ask questions are about your students maybe get some validation from each other hopefully you felt it was helpful we're hoping to do some more of these things in the future will we're probably going our next thing will be for middle school students and then will also provide maybe another topic for high school students turn off top my head what the other topics of Interest was that students parents had but we will try and do another one of these this year mrs. Miller I did because it's I wait to ask this question because I think I only 12th grade parent on the car and so it's probably not really appropriate for everybody else to to sit listen to but I was curious and maybe we can set up a time to talk it's cool I'm sure it's about socialization in college and I know jars and really nervous about how he's going to make friends in school because I mean he came to Hilltop in 9th grade went through all that now going through it all again so maybe there's a maybe another topic for a conversation is with 12th grade parents maybe that's it but I didn't want to take up the time talk about it when those people are not in 12th grade we should definitely talk about it further I think some of the things you talked about here might be things that he's going to start to see as he goes into his freshman year of college the other thing that we've offered and I actually just spoke you are we have our weave clinical interns from Villanova University and in the past they've held some lunch groups for the students to join and talk about college experience and a lot of the times it talks about the social peace and how I'm the one ye remember our intern shared a lot about how they got connected socially when going to a new college campus so all we just talked about that myself and the two interns we just talked about that bike two weeks ago and I wouldn't mind setting something like that up because Jared is definitely not the only senior in this boat worried about the social peace and I think they're going to have to like restart that whole social process but it's connecting with your roommate and finding that like that group getting out there and coming fully out of your comfort zone even more so than ever till like joined some sort of activity so that way you can connect with some other people but I'd be happy to put that on the list of play see if there's other senior parents as Miller that we could even add that on or we can have more of a conversation I know you know to reach out to mr. Clark to some thank you answered well I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day again thank you so much for coming welcome to those of you were new freshly new and even welcome to those viewer new this year so we're happy to have all thank you thank you very much thank you thank you course all right stop recording all right I mean stop my recording

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