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HS Parent Meeting

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Of our three counselors here, I am Marla Mathis afor those of you who don't know who I am I work with the 10th through 12th grade we also have Michael Clarke who also works at the school, and then we have Chris Pacelli who works with the 8th and 9th grade. Miss Gillespie is our college counselor and she works with the ADT program and Mr Sedgwick who is the head of our Upper School. I'm going to present my screen to just give you a little visual of what we want to talk about first and then we'll answer questions routine my word. I think you so I wanted to put together this this time for you to talk about how to support your high school student during this time. quarantine so couple things that we wanted to make sure we talked about to start where that a lot of the some of the Stress and Anxiety that might be coming from your students could be because the defense of loss of control March 13th we were at school for the last time we didn't know we weren't coming back so there is that piece of like this loss of control we don't we didn't know this was occurring one of those things we want it want to share is like don't avoid handling your own Stress and Anxiety about it it's actually probably the best time for us as adults to model how we handle these stressful situation so even being as obvious as saying I'm really stressed I'm really frustrated right now I'm going to go take a walk kind of giving giving your student and idea of you handle your stress and anxiety because if you kind I didn't and they don't get to see that modeled by someone like yourself who who has gone through these situation or situations are stressful situations before and also the social needs of our students there are there are two I've been finding there two types of students are the ones that are grieving and feel like that loss and maybe be there may be angry about it but they're grieving the idea. sorry I didn't miss someone they're grieving the idea that they lost their Reading Eggs they've lost the connections with friendships and things like that they're grieving the idea of being in school every day being involved in activities and then their students that might even feel relieved because there's fewer social stressors there's they don't have to you know sit with someone at lunch and and have a conversation so both our I guess somewhat concerning and there's we like to stress that any of these social connections are important are still important for the one set are feeling upset about not having them anymore trying to find them time to connect with their peer socially is really important and then the ones that kind of feel relieved and would prefer not to it's still important for them to connect they might be really happy and calm not connecting but it is still important to do that because it there is going to be a point in time where we're back and put into social situations attitudes on here and it's kind of like you are with now your students all day every day you've become the teacher you become the counselor you become the therapist and you're still the parent so they're there can be a time where attitudes of our students escalate we liked a lot of the time does counselors and even the teachers we talked about choosing our battle so try not to take their undercoated anger such as like the eye roll or stomping away personally choose your battles people like the situation near your students in also to keep in mind that extreme respect comes from a place of her so I always look at no child I find that no child is behaving poorly for no reason so the reason that your child might be acting out or angry or disrespectful towards you and so communication with them is really important and now that we have some of your working you might not feel like you have a lot of time so I know that that can be I'm so trying to find that time to communicate with your child and maybe even giving them a choice that I really like to talk to you today do you want to talk in the morning or in the afternoon that gives them some time to kind of the other thing that's really important for some of our older students is having faith in your teens constantly checking in on their academics kind of leads them to believe that you don't have faith and then they kind of lose that faith in himself kind of like that self-esteem lower their faith in themselves as well my parents don't think I can do it maybe I can't do it that sort of thing so there's a I guess there's like a fancy way to go about it when we're checking in on them with their academics or even their mental health and that's where the thing on how they're doing but doing it in a way that isn't isn't constant so those are just a couple things that we wanted to share with you I have a hard time when I share my screen because they can't see ever I'm going to stop presenting Michael and Chris anything that you would like to add from what we wanted to share before we start taking questions I would also suggest not to PE exercises because you keep track of that but also just daily routine exercises you know at Hilltop is a great example where we take you know the granite and the student guess that break even if they aren't athletic going from the Mansion museum for walking between the Middle School in the high school how to decompress for get out of that situation where I was at home you know they are you guys are around each other 24/7 so I would encourage just taking those breaks again just going in for a walk outside it's so good for your man on medical well-being for them even if it's just a few minutes you know every couple hours just to remove yourself from that environment so I wouldn't start sample I would also suggest deep breathing like Miss Mathis mentioned modeling is very important for the student is H 5 or 15 you know if they're going to be mirror mimicking you and so you know it's okay to be stressed also but you know you want to put that in a positive spin yes you're right I am feeling blank blank blank but you know what it's hard and it's okay and I'm blank blank blank to get through this so when they hear that that that's going to be very positive for them as well hydration and nutrition very important I'm trying to stay on some type of schedule cheap the school week different from we can let them enjoy their weekend I'm it's important to have structure as much as you can you know during this time news alive are high schoolers like to watch the news and you know it's hard to saint of police that if they get involved with watching a news I would also suggest spending it to the help of parvenu so yes there's a lot of going on with the covid-19 and unfortunately a lot of people that have closed in NM people have died but spinach these other students across the country are are sending letters to hospitals or or creating you no facemask or or donating food so counterbalance the negative with a positive help your child seat you know all sides of the picture that's it for right now do we have anyone have any questions that we want to open it up to you let you ask us questions maybe things are specifically going I'm going to give you that that time feel free to unmute yourself or put it in the chat well my my son some time does want to get out you said go for a walk and stuff like that my son don't want to get out the house at all go sit on the couch with a computer and stuff like that but I said you don't want to move or get out or do anything one of the things I would say to is Michael mentioned structure and I was thinking even building a schedule so I would try a heads up hey I want you to take a walk sometime this week or sometime today when do you want to do that so we can plan that out and kind of building a schedule for them your your do your classes your work on some homework and then at 12:30 you're going to take a ten-minute walk and kind of the schedule for them and involve them and make it up so what time would you like to do the walk that's where thing almost like you're not giving them a choice for the forgetting outside this doesn't have to just be a walk with me and I'm just getting outside or something that you know good for their own mental health don't give them the truth of doing it but give them the choice of when when they can put it in their schedule that are things so that way they have they have some control but we're also giving them choices of things that we we are looking at that we know is helpful for that I think that's so important that's a great Point Marla is I didn't want to insinuate like all sudden you're outside for an hour and they don't like to do that you really need to kind of baby stuff that and as well as Carla said really important is to give them a heads up in that this is going to be happening you know tomorrow or whenever you do that so just kind of just Little Steps at a time and some sense of control by doing that by letting the have a say in when they're going to do it you know even that will be more likely to want to do it if they have a say in it and if there are they know ahead of time so they can plan for it and I think it was we have a question that says how can we better help our children with peer relationships online in a positive way a lot of our students calculus problem with that communicating with his students like that's definitely and are you aware if you are openly talking to them about what they're saying to each other online and your kind of monitoring that at that is super helpful at this point because you know even when we're in person play struggle with the communicating with one another and it's a lot easier for us to be there and kind of help them navigate that but I think like communicating with them and having these conversations important right now if you notice things are not going well then you can or if you notice they're getting stressed because of their online Communications then that could be a time and model these different ways to denying to the Straz like it we're talking about taking walks and things like that like that would be a good opportunity to model those things and be like you know what I was just talking to someone so now I'm feeling pretty stressed myself let's go for a walk I think that's helpful for sure the only thing is I think a different angle where you're coming from Chris is if it's not positive if this may pertain to the question or not but it also might help some of you looks like maybe your students like I'm not using the internet in a positive way or being a little bit since appropriate the conversate the language I would typically use with a student is what are others thinking when you're feeling when you're doing that dances are students I think shrug not all but but some struggle with being able to put themselves in other people's shoes and so getting them the idea of what is this this person thinking when you're saying that what are they feeling and how are they going to react to you so that's just some of the language use when communicating with them about it too and then also to outside of this meeting feel free to reach out to to any of your York County students counselors because that's what we're here for two is in this case to we're supporting parents so much more because you're just kind of Taken on all of our roles as the Educators tone You Don't Own Me I think it was from I'm I'm going to butcher the last name okay what does that help I've been reaching out to Chris and I feel like I have no filter because when they also received things so personally so when you have don't clean others in a negative way with no filter and you have been receiving it so personally and it can get really nasty and dirty and that's where we right now and I still like I feel like my child gets so hurt and angry that he just comes right back with no filter and then he does the same to the other person just trying to find positive ways for her them to encourage one another one another but on a positive note I've had students reach out to me and say he misses Giovanni this is what's going on just want to let you know cuz I know you can that makes me feel really good when that happened but then I see them hurt each other and I'm just being hurtful to someone when they get angry and kind of just retaliate helping them emotions you're getting angry let's not ignore what they're saying to you because you have a right to be at everyone's allowed to be upset and angry and frustrated whatever it is working on how can we regulate that emotion so instead of you because it sounds like there regulating in in retaliation will that's not that's not expected it's unexpected so we want to help them with with ways to regulate those emotions that are going to be more expect behaviors yeah and I think to it depends on the age group but sometimes monitoring monitoring in a way like I said to not constantly check on their academics it in like some fancy way of of my I trained but not being in over their shoulder to do I don't think that's an easy job it's not an easy job for us hundred percent I have to say I I take my hat off to you guys because I see now I'm sorry I don't I have to figure my hero right now thank you for saying that cry with Sheldon what each other and then see how you how you handled the only good thing that comes out just for me is I realize it's not just my child has a good point. I feel like a lot of Arts not like that not all of them but a lot of them do struggle with the social peace in the communication and you know it and you know your dog is in not 9th grade that's it as a tough age for anoro call student so it when you come in Saint Bernard Hoover School it definitely is challenging and you know I think one thing to remember and Marla said earlier that kind of have faith students in in what you're doing as a parent because you know it's helping in as hard to see it sometimes but they are making progress and you know you have to have faith in what you're doing cuz you're doing a great job they're so smart I just think that the maturity level is not at Publix I just I just want to make sure I can be positive I feel like I missed off and I don't know you know I want to be over top like you're saying I'm say stuff to H&M card balance I'd like to add even though it's a slightly different but it's related I think that I have noticed in the years of teaching at Hilltop that when the students have a specific task in front of them with defined goal that that. All the time but often some of the inappropriate behavior goes away because there's something to focus on and work on and talk about versus if it's just complete free time before or after something without any parameters for a lot of the kids that opens the door for things to go directions that might require more oversight than you'd like but if there's something even if it's not a school-related task but hey George your online talking to your friend why don't you both figure out what movie are going to go watch when when theaters are open again and then this task is there it shed some of the room for conflicts not always but it really kind of help thank you and the other question from mrs. What do you think if your student does not appear at all things by the current situation how do you suggest encouraging social Outreach the one positive thing is that our students even if their classes aren't meeting every week and they're in and they're expected to do work in that thing storm positive is there soon still do have it's only once a week but they still do have group and I know for myself that are my gray I've allowed them for some social connection and they're difficult for us to hit All of the Lights this problem solving stuff when were virtual so there isn't a piece for their connecting a little bit socially there I think I think there is an interesting thought what you're saying they don't appear at all fazed I'm wondering if maybe they are putting on on like a strong suit about it and if have you talked to the student about it have they said that they don't they're not concerned at all about what's going on with that they're not able to see their friends I have so I mean Griffin knows what I mean he's concerned about the pandemic but he's not at all his life is not at all fazed by us nothing has changed for him at all and he just can't just load it right into online and and unlike mrs. schiavone none of them are on social media so I don't there's no contact outside of what is being provided by Hilltop which concerns me is graduating so and he's just floating through this like and of course you again and we live in the middle of nowhere and you're not seeing it on something I've learned this from conversation with the swimmers is there there is a good chunk of them grieving the closure from Hilltop and graduation could be something he's he's going through right now do you miss and his listen to me as well I have no idea because I've never experienced it so I can't tell you that is something that I missed lunch interacting with groups on a day-to-day basis what is not like the same response I would expect if you think about it so I don't know how accurate this is but this came to mind when you said he doesn't what it is so how could I miss it is a lot of our students who struggle with executive functioning they can't visualize events like that they don't really realize what it looks like to go to prom and get ready for prom drive there be there that's one thing and so what he's missing things that he's familiar with because he knows what those look like and so it doesn't surprise me that he's thinking that way because he doesn't know what to expect where is sometimes if we have something we're looking forward to a wedding maybe I've never been to a wedding before but we know that we're going to go we're going to go to the ceremony then get dressed nice but the reception were visualizing what we're doing for a lot of our students don't do that I don't know if that falls exactly into Christmas category fall into some others and so because they don't know what the missing is there's no sense of loss for it right now can I can I just ask a question off a chat with with Anna Marla nose and a well with an Associate 17 and what I'm finding with her I wouldn't mind some maybe some language I struggle with design degree is she needs a schedule so she's completely outside of the schedule I mean she'll get up and she'll do a couple things but I said to her you know micromanage because it's not healthy for her at her age especially her goal is to I'm trying to figure out how to leverage between reminding her of things and giving her the independence but so I tried say to her hey why don't you come up with these are the things that I want done everyday like I want 30 minutes of cleaning of your room and then you've definitely want to be outside I'll give things that I think we should be she doesn't have a schedule but then she'll say no I'm too busy doing things and I'm like what are you doing so I don't know how I'm not sure how to combat that become effective functioning issues I don't know what is teenager anymore and what time is lunch peace about the schedule because this is just for Anna this is for a lot of our students if we're just saying to them like this isn't your us for language but also to I'm thinking if you're saying to your your child Aisha put this in your schedule this in your schedule this schedule sometimes they need the visual of it so I wouldn't even try writing out with Anna the things that need to go in the schedule and actually with her today or even ask her to you know do it on her own but then show it to you I can think that depends on the student how you want to go about that but writing out the things that we want in the schedule animus mus map it out together and an Ashley make it a visual don't just talk it because a lot of our students need to see it and need to have a vision one minute even be like on a dry erase board as soon our schedules going to change we're coming into a couple weeks and then we're going to have a summer and so on that schedule change I think it's important to redo this and make a new schedule and in there you can kind of add some of the things that we were talking that was like being outside and that sort of thing kind of a way to go about it write it out make it a visual that's where the thing the other thing too I was thinking and I want to make sure I say this is for everyone if they don't you know your child the best you're the professional of your child even though you've gone you know how many years that now they've been through school without seeing them Christina more than you ever have but don't doubt yourself in the things that you're doing sometimes our students even for us as their counselors I think they have us doubting ourselves and so we go to each other as counselors like am I wrong in thinking this or that should be so don't doubt yourself and know that you're the professional and everything you're doing with your the professional of your child you know your child and that's where it kind of makes me think that maybe I've been doing some of it right because I said you know I tasked her with writing out a schedule and then I'll look at it where there I've tried to write it with her and she's very combative to I think it's the teenager. You know even trying to even with me cuz I think she wants to feel confident herself so I'll sort of thing we were talking about modeling Stress Management I would model consistency with that and model your own schedule type of Thing 2 consistent we are with with our students the easier it is for them to to remain consistent it's sometimes it's like a student's on like a behavior plan maybe for more like the middle school as a counselor or their mentors of their teachers we missed like a week of checking it or talking with them about it that lack of consistency really affect how they how they kind of continue to manage it and and work towards different goals in that sort of thing so that's free that's great thank you so much I don't see any other questions in the chat does anyone have any other questions or thoughts I totally agree with you I don't know Where did jump in without them feeling overwhelmed or without Josh feeling ever mom's he's a little bit younger but it's that independent versus dependent I always doubt where to draw the line there and that that's just so hard and you know we do try to do a schedule and if Josh doesn't follow it then I realized okay maybe he wasn't ready for that part of the independent yet but then when he does go ahead and follow it I say okay yeah I am getting some of it right but I still don't know it's so hard when they're just this age where to draw that line between independent and dependent like where do they still need a I get a lot of defiance where I stepped in where he feels like pretend it's a challenge what's interesting about that too is Iowa at the other way when I'm talking with the students and I pretty often say to them adult expect you to be responsible but then an Epi Sage we expect them to be responsible but then we also sometimes think alike and let her treat them as younger children and we don't treat them as like young adults that we have some half the time we expect them to young adults and half the time we expect them to just be children and listen to what we say so I say we do that all the time and I think the reason is because like what you're saying is that we if juggling are they can they be independent or do they need me in that sort of thing so Independence but they may have to serve their children so how do you I've already erased them. surprise piano my my friends have grandchildren and I have. Any other questions Carmen I dreamed I hope this was helpful the recording of This will be up somewhere and I'll send it out with the link Chris or Michael do you have any other thoughts if it's before we go with the summer coming up I think I can we can't stress enough like how the try your best to keep some type of routine or schedule put something in place to speak within an hour depending on Camp situations and other things happening if I think it is important for our students to to keep some type of routine over this summer and while yes it might be more difficult this summer to do that with things still being closer than you know just try to schedule some things each day and that can include just like leisure activities as well for them I'm just is it is important to keep something some type of routine all right but we kind of talked about it but not that much I just wanted to throw that out there set that's it for now I don't think that's that's that's not fair because I was going to say the same thing structure and helping them put something in place maybe it is really important we don't know what the Falls going to bring and so it's it's better to be proactive in and have them you know on some type of consistency going into the fall please feel free to reach out directly to me any of that at the high school students or any of your counselors I'm always here for you well if there's I'll give another couple seconds if there's any other questions otherwise I hope this is helpful and we would love to try and do this again at some point maybe in the fall so and also look out from the department will be sending out the links to the recordings and some other things that could be helpful for the summer and stuff so thank you text Alan Walker

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